Resolution, to resolve, from the Latin “resolvere”, to “dissolve, dissintegrate, or solve a problem”; to determine or decide upon .
With the beginning of every new year, we make resolutions. We make a resolution to do or not do something out of a belief that once the resolution is obtained (the goal met), our life will be better in some way. Resolution, to resolve, from the Latin “resolvere”, to “dissolve, dissintegrate, or solve a problem”; to determine or decide upon . A better definition is from the 1500s, “determination, firmness or fixedness of purpose; a determination”. We are determined to make the new year better and that these changes we are resolving to do can make it so. Every year, only 8% of people who make them actually keep them long term.
But, consider these univeral truths:
Resolutions generally revolve around either giving up something that you wouldn’t already be doing if it didn’t give you pleasure, or vowing to do something that is presently not part of your daily priorities/routine.
Most resolutions are tied around an internal feeling of not feeling good about something about ourselves.
The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing(s), and expecting a different result.
And we wonder why resolutions fail.
The first man who ever ran a 4 minute mile didn’t achieve that because he was running away from something; he did it because he was running towards something. As humans, we may respond to the negative or do something with fear as a motivator, but we respond with passion to the positive, and passion gets shit done. And this is a whole lot easier if we can become clear on what it is we are chasing.
Consider…Your resolution to lose weight, is actually you wanting a positive shift to be healthier.
Consider…Your resolution to no longer involve yourself in negative or toxic relationships, is actually you wanting a shift to be loved and respected.
Consider…Your resolution to quit smoking, is actually you wanting a shift to love yourself enough to take care of yourself.
Consider…Your resolution to not spend money/shop, is actually you wanting a shift to have security.
Consider…Your resolution to go back to school/get a better job, is actually you wanting a shift in how you contribute to the world.
If we want the New Year to be different, we must do the following very do-able things:
- Get clear on what it is we want to be different.
- Know our own “Why”
- Consider what within that change is within our power, and start there
- Be accountable to ourselves
I am not immune to wanting positive change. There are definitely things about 2017 I want to be different from 2016. If our current year did not meet our expectations, then we do not want a “2016–The Sequel”. Last year, I focused on education and finances. I went back to school; picked up two more credentials, and was able to build by holistic health business to secure financial footing. I was able to do this while still keeping a foot in my speech pathology career, which enabled me to gain further financial security. A successful year, by any measure. But, I allowed people to make me feel less than with their comparisons of me to others. I took their opinions personally, which caused hurt, and a few times, a little despair. That is not living my truth. The truth that I know which is I am good enough. The truth that I know which is I am worthy of kindness, and respect, and love. This year, 2017, I am focusing more on relationships and within that, the relationship I have with myself being my priority. So if I am going to follow these 5 steps, this is what that looks like:
- Get clear on what it is we want to be different. I do not want to give people who don’t matter the power over my happiness.
- Know our own “Why” Doing this only causes hurt and disappointment when their free will contradicts with what I was hoping they would do, and when I allow their opinion of me to be more important than my own.
- Consider what within that change is within our power, and start there. I can focus on my own story and successes in the new year.
- Be accountable to ourselves. I do not need to see what they are doing on social media. I can refuse to compare myself to others whom I don’t really know. I will not engage with toxic people who have selfish intentions.
- Encouragement/Support I will love myself and focus on self-care when I find myself tempted to fall into old patterns. I can talk with a friend who can help keep me accountable to these changes I am working on making. I can pray and ask for strength to make these changes, and to forgive people who hurt me so that I may be free to level up and become the best version of myself.
Language is a powerful thing. Words can break someone down or build them up; including the words we speak to ourselves. In my 20+ year career as a speech language pathologist, I have been fascinated with words, their meaning, their pragmatic implications, and the power of communication. As someone who is passionate about holistic health and helping others, I am no less fascinated with them now. We all want 2017 to be better than 2016, but that can only happen if we are clear about what we really want. Getting back to the 1500’s definition of resolve, “firmness or fixedness of purpose”, we must know what our purpose is. We must start there. Our purpose is where our true motivation lies and where our passions can be found. And remember, passion gets shit done.
I am going to focus on being passionate about the people I love who love me.
I am going to continue to focus on my passions which are helping others, holistic health, aromatherapy, and the neuroscience of healing .
I am going to level up how I deal and respond (or not respond) to toxic people.
I am going to love and appreciate the real me, my gifts, instead of comparing myself to how other’s present themselves via social media.
I am going to believe that I am just as good as anyone else, because I am.
Change can be hard. Patterns can be so difficult to break, especially if those patterns have included any kind of toxic relationship or negative habit, where we have forgotten our worth. We can feel like we have become a slave to those old habits; thinking we are incapable of change; especially if we have tried before and failed.
But now consider this:
Our brain is capable of laying and growing new gray matter over the course of our entire lifetime.
Loving words (even those we speak to ourselves) can actually help the brain rewire and heal from emotional trauma/stress.
There is no habit we have that we cannot rewire and find a new way, a new routine, a new freedom from it.
There is nothing in our lives that we cannot change.
What are you going to focus on in this new year? (What you focus on is what grows.) Figure out what you want to be different; find your “why” and start with the things that are within your power. Hold yourself accountable. Encourage yourself. Seek out support…
Then watch change happen.